Look-out!

Hey guys and gals!

It's me! You're least favorite blogger!

It's been awhile since I've last blogged, I've been through too much to type into a single blog post, and I, for damn sure, ain't typing more than one post just for what I've been going through.

First off, of course most of you will be asking; "which college are you going to?" "have you decided on what you want to be?" "can you even afford college?".

Well, my only response to you is; FRACK YOU! AND FRACK YOUR CONDESCENDING FACE!!






Geez. It's true that my family have been going through finan-. Scratch that. My family have been going through absolutely nothing. But they're too goddamn proud to live in mediocrity. And they try to lift their own standards by demeaning their own family members.

And who gets affected by their fighting?

Their children. Their sons and daughters. Their nephews and nieces.

For this, we might need a flashback. For those who aren’t adequately high, please read carefully instead.

There was a night, when my grandparents and I were invited to dinner to my uncle and aunt's house, and after the said-dinner, I had a man-to-man conversation to my uncle concerning my future, especially education.

He told me that my two other uncles and himself have decided that they would open up.. Sort of a fund. My college fund, where they would donate as much as they could possibly could without affecting their own household demands.

I was ecstatic. They were honestly trying to help me, trying to fulfill the responsibility my deceased father had been forcefully taken away from. I was moved.

I went home, and spent the rest of the night researching colleges, and the courses they offered. No, I spent weeks finding the "perfect" college.

And when I did find it, I get the word from my grandmother, saying that my uncle is sick of waiting for me to find the right college. And sick of waiting for me to clarify things with my own mother. And he practically announced that he was pulling out of support my college fund.

I was devastated. I felt like a kitten, tied to railroad tracks, and the train just ran me over. And I was immortal, and the train kept on going and going.

You don’t give someone hope, and take it away so easily. That’s what murderers and psychopaths do. And I doubt that my uncle is either.

I wasn’t satisfied, no, I wasn’t. And guess what? After digging up information, and the usual play-of-words, I found out this was due to a conflict in my family. Specifically with my mother, and my deceased father’s family. I’m not going to get into the details here, because it’s rather complicated and ridiculous.

This is COLLEGE. This is my chance on getting a whole new experience in life, and possibly benefiting myself to become a better man. But no, they’re too busy covering their eyes with dirt to see that fact.

I was not going to let this damper my plans, and I still had my two uncles who were still supporting my fund. But had yet donated any amount of money into it. Which was fine with me, since I only needed to know that they would get this fund rolling as soon as I started college.

But then, I find out my second uncle, had pulled out. Apparently he has some household problems with his children, which I understood.

I still had my third, and last uncle.

BUT THEN!!!

Apparently he pulled out as well, his wife (my aunt) had talked him out of it. WHY?!

Because my aunt is quarreling with my mother. And is still at it, it seems.














I had the chance to go to colleges like Taylor’s, HELP, KBU!

But all of it.. GONE

Why? Let me tell you the two things families are built out of.

A family is all about communication and unity

COMMUNITY

Sure, my family has communication and unity

BUT IT’S CORRUPTED.

My family’s communication consists of talking behind each other’s backs, and what has been said in confidence, will be blown out of proportion before reaching the ears of the person being talked about

And their unity? Well, let’s say that each conflict is WAR. And each conflict has two or maybe more GENERALS. The General who has the most influence in terms of finance and/or bribery will have the most soldiers. Which are my other family members. And charisma will get you soldiers for such a short amount of time.





Enough of me ranting. I’m about to blow a blood vessel, and they’ll probably blame everyone but themselves if that happens.

I’m currently trying to help my grandparents move, and after that I’m going to start looking for a job. I’ll pay for my own god-damn college funds, I’ve had enough of this shit. And as soon as I finish my diploma, I’m moving the hell out of this place.

Consider this the emancipation of Johan.



Sadly to say, I've even considered suicide once. No, it's more than once. But I couldn't think of a flashy way for me to leave the world.

But today, tonight, I went to Ampang's look-out point. And It was beautiful. It reminded me how small and insignificant I am in this world. It gave me a new breath of life. I felt inspired. I was motivated. And I told myself that I am NOT going to die before I make my mark on this world.


Unfortunately, you're going to have to bear with more of my awful blog posts as long as I'm alive. =P